Of the hundreds of men's help websites, the most common question is always, "How do I get a girl?" What few realize is that, if you must ask the question, you're already at fault. All too often, men attempt to cure a lack of confidence by trying to create a character that they portray around women. They do things like use a false personality, cite rehearsed lines, tell fake stories about the time they "saved a box of kittens from a rabid grizzly bear", and make other complete misrepresentations of themselves. This may work occasionally for a random hook-up or sour relationship, however to meet a quality woman one must first look at himself and set goals for who he wants to be. A change of lifestyle is required, as well as an emphatic ambition for self improvement, which can be approached with the following groundwork:

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Exercise:

Exercising can be one of the most difficult, yet most important, lifestyle changes to make. Gyms can be intimidating, routines can be hard to stay with, and like many things, getting started is the hardest part. Unfortunately, it is all too often that someone overexerts themselves the first few times they began working out, and it completely destroys any motivation to continue. It is best to approach the gym with a set of goals. If you are overweight, work on bringing your weight down. If you are underweight, work on adding muscle mass. Both options will also require that you improve your diet. These add more benefits than just a change in appearance; By creating a workout routine and maintaining a healthy diet you will begin to add structure to your life. Higher energy levels and the sense of accomplishment from setting and attaining goals will create such a euphoric self-value, that you will wonder how you ever did without.

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Hygiene:

Building on the idea of self-value, another crucial element is personal hygiene. This begins with what your mom taught you: brush your teeth, take a shower, get a haircut, cut your nails, and clean your ears. Do these things for yourself, not for anyone else. Do these things because you believe they represent you, and are expected of someone with your value. It is when you are happy with your own appearance that you will notice a direct effect on how others perceive you. You can be dressed like a complete bum and still leave a good impression if you practice great hygiene. Women will know more about you from your subtle use of cologne, your clean teeth, and well kept sideburns then they will likely learn from your first conversation.

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Style:

Many times it is easier to make fun of someone else's style then it is to acknowledge that you yourself have none. It is easy to wear a t-shirt, hat and jeans to a bar because you don't put yourself in danger of not being accepted by someone. Unfortunately, you are also making a statement that you aren’t willing to take a risk, rather than be your own person.

When defining your own style you want to begin by throwing away all the preconceived notions you may have about people who you feel are 'tools', 'dude bras', 'preps', 'skaters', 'emos', etc. These terms are a waste and generally used by those so uncomfortable with their own self, that they can't accept how others choose to represent themselves.

When deciding on a look you want to find one that embodies you and is flexible to a variety of situations. There is a saying, "Dress for the job you want and not for the one you currently have." These sentiments hold true in all forms of your lifestyle. Dress for the girl you want, the friends you want, the job you want, and how you want to be perceived. Most importantly, push the bounds of each situation without breaking them. Conform to those you want to associate with, and then find a way to set yourself apart. This will allow you to be accepted, but will also show individuality.

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Character:

A person's character is an all-encompassing term for what defines you. Building character begins by making yourself interesting. This means finding things you are passionate about, including hobbies, sports, clubs and other various social activities. People sometimes wonder why they struggle so much talking to women, and it may be because they spend so much time worrying about how to make themselves interesting rather than taking the necessary steps. We all know that writing an essay about something that interests you is a lot easier then BS'ing a 20 page paper about the fifty-seven flavors of Heinz Mustard.

The same idea applies when talking to people about your job, your love for sports, your enjoyment for rock climbing or other things you may partake in. If you find you are short on things to talk about, then you may not be putting enough time into doing things for yourself. Push yourself to try something that isn't part of your normal routine, and hell, you may just find out that you like it!

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Social:
So how do you get a woman? First, you have to learn to talk to people. We have already worked to make you more confident, and more interesting, but now, how do you break down that barrier of social awkwardness to find common ground with someone? Start small. Begin by carrying conversations with anyone and everyone about anything. Ask the cashier at the grocery store how their day was, work your way up to jokes and stories with strangers that you may encounter on a daily basis. Test the waters for what the appropriate type and length of conversation is for a given situation. Keep in mind that if you can't hold a conversation with a random stranger, how are you going to be able to talk to one you are trying to impress?

Lastly and most importantly, learn how to be a gentleman. Open doors, let them be seated first, and don't talk with food in your mouth. Take that self-value that you have been building and then portray this respect to those around you.

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In conclusion, aim high, very high, work for it, and try to have a LOT of fun while you're doing it. In the end, who gives a damn what others think? As long as you are being you and your happiness isn't at the cost of anyone else’s, people will respect and appreciate you.