Guys love Halloween, and contrary to popular belief, it's not because of the girls in slutty costumes.

Guys love Halloween because it’s the one time each year it’s okay for you to wear something you would never admit to your friends you’re interested in.

Think the frugal environmentalist who dons Nantucket Reds, a popped collar, and a cashmere sweater around his neck trying to be “that guy”. Sorry buddy but you only wish you had the confidence to dress that well in real life. Why do you have those clothes anyway if you’re so “down to earth”? You can’t honestly tell me you bought a $450 Ralph Lauren cashmere sweater “just as a joke’? Nothing is that funny.

Whether it’s wearing gold lame leggings, a leotard, or even a bra, Halloween gives guys the chance to try anything (mainly women’s apparel) and get away with it. Of course strength in numbers applies here. If all of your friends are doing it, it’s funnier, and somehow more socially acceptable. On Tuesday I listened to an alpha male at my office (big 10 football, MBA, 6’2’’, the works) rattle off six or seven absolutely ridiculous “costumes” he had sported over the past few years. We’re talking lipstick, jewelry, lingerie, wigs; the whole nine yards – but before each description he less than casually slipped in the same line, “Me and my buddies wore this…” or “Me and my buddies thought it was hilarious to do this….” Even he was self aware enough to realize it stopped being funny when he got separated from his friends and wound up standing by the keg in leggings and a members only jacket – alone.

You might say the same goes for girls who add the word “sexy” before any profession, animal, or static object (a sexy microwave? Who knew!) to create a costume, but the principal is different. If a girl were curious about a “guy only” phenomenon like wearing boxers to bed, the smell of Axe or peeing standing up, she wouldn’t be uncomfortable trying any of them any old day of the year (okay, maybe not the latter…ever). The fact that a woman would trade in her J. Crew cardigan and pencil skirt for a barely there sequined dress and platforms once a year is because that’s what Tina Turner actually wears! It’s not because every other night she goes out she is too afraid to show off her legs, or she thinks someone might get the wrong impression. But it’s probably for the best, because we definitely would get the wrong impression if a guy was wearing knee highs and a plaid skirt at happy hour tonight.

In order to avoid embarrassing yourself this Halloween, stick to these simple rules:

1) Leave the skimpy clothes to the girls. Inevitably some pompous asshole will do this in an attempt to impress. Less isn’t more here. This includes, but is not limited to:

a. The Borat bathing suit - we all saw the movie. It wasn’t hot.
b. Any sort of shorts that don’t cover your upper thigh. There’s a reason they stopped wearing those in the 70s.
c. Tank tops or any sleeveless shirt - okay. No, not even if you are dressing up as Carmelo Anthony.

2) Unless you’ve got a six pack – don’t wear anything tighter than you normally would.

3) Avoid masks whenever possible. What are you hiding?

Instead of going overboard and wearing something ridiculous why not use Halloween as a chance to suit up and look your best, while still maintaining some originality? Go ahead and be Batman – he’s a great looking, successful, well dressed guy; it's not necessarily the spandex suit that makes the costume. Think about your favorite movie stars, characters, athletes, newscasters, whatever – they are all well dressed, all the time. Come up with your idea to be unique and dapper. Go ahead and dress up for Halloween – just do it right.